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This and That

Mobile Phones

I hate Mobile Phone and I believe they are ruining society – there I’ve said it. I’ll probably be killed by a assassin named Igor hired by those wacky Finns – Nokia – or more likely whacked firmly in the head by a 14 year old tenny-bopper with a Nokia – but I firmly believe it and I’m not scared to stand up for my beliefs.

Here are the true uses of mobile phone – and therefore those people who should own them.

1. Calling back to the office if you work on the road – Sales Reps
2. Calling for help if you are lost in the bush – Mal Leyland and possibly his wife – although she’s ugly so it no huge lose if she is lost to society.

That’s it people – 2 uses.

Here is who owns mobile phones

EVERYONE - except me and a homeless guy I saw in Fitzroy once (actually that’s not true – he had one – but it was analogue)

And what are these phones used for? – Possibly the most boring conversations of all time. All mobile Phone calls start with the same question – Where are you? They then usually involve the other person saying blah Blah Blah, where Blah Blah Blah is a location approximately 50 metres from where you are and that they will be there in approximately 5.3 seconds.

So why do I have such a problem with this, given it’s just people wasting their own money of useless phone calls? Well it’s because normally sane people turn spastic when they purchase a mobile phone. Procedures that were previously easy such as meeting at the café you have meet at for the last ten years becomes a operation involved 18 phone calls to give status reports for every step of the journey.

Okay I’m getting in the car – I’ll be there in 8 minutes.

Okay I’m turning the corner – I’ll be there in 6 minutes

Okay Just finding a car spot – be their in a couple of minutes.

Okay I’m walking in the front door – Where are you – Oh the table we have been sitting at for years – Oh I see you now – I’ll be there in 7.8 seconds.

And once that person sits down with you it’s not over within three minutes they are either taking a call, or even more annoying sending text messages.

Mobile Phone people – this is possibly the worse way to have a conversations, something it would take 30 seconds to say can’t be spread over 14 messages and approximately 3 hours. Meanwhile your friend who is sitting across from you has probably got up and left because he was being annoyed, either that he has called you on his mobile.

Don’t laugh I’ve seen it happen more than once. Dickheads sitting across the table from each other thinking they were cool because they are talking to each other on their phone – Hey look we are giant dicks wasting vast amounts of money.

So Mobile phone people – your phone is not interesting to other people. We don’t care about it’s features the fact that it plays the smurfs theme as a ringtone, or that it has snake 3, and kung fu fighting game on it, we don’t find watching you on the phone to someone else as interesting.

So rise up people, Non Phone People, Be Proud, Phone People put down the safety blanket and talk to real people, in real conversations, face to face.