The Fashion Doctor

There is a new plague enveloping this country, it with be the death of the
nation as we know it. The tidal wave of destruction that I speak of is that of
the cargo-ing of society. That's right, I have been silent on this issue in the
past, but I can be silent no more, Cargo pants will ruin Australian Society as we know it.

The Cargo pant, developed, I believe by the army, for a reason - carrying stuff, lot's of stuff, deadly like stuff, Think Army boy carrying his swiss 'going to blow your head off' mini- grenade launcher in the extra pocket half way down his leg. Now how did we go from this highly practical use for the extra pocket, i.e. saving the nation to drug affected teeny-booping 15 year olds carrying their extra purified water bottle with them?

We it's simply not right, maybe you have a reason for needing extra pocket,
i.e. your a skater that spends a bit of time upside down, you are a terrorist
with a  'going to blow your head off' mini-grandade launcher. But no the cargo pant/short has become the domain of the misguided fashion wannabes. Case in
point, I went to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert earlier this year, and I
swear to god there were 10,000 16 year old boys, all wearing cargo shorts, your not going to war boys, there is no need. This was not a major shock however. The time when I realised this had gone to far was when i was shopping at Southland for Suits, and Icame upon the Business Trouser Cargo Pants, You think I'm joking don't you? We I'm not, seriously there was a suit in a major retail chain that contained cargo business trousers, I must admit I was tempted, the thought of being able to walk into a big meeting, knowing that I wouldn't run out of pens, because I had room in my extra pocket for 160 extra pens was appealing to me.

Okay so I resist the urge to don the cargo suit for the big meeting, when I
turn the corner and I'm faced with the Cargo Pyjamas. Okay now this is
ridiculous, Cargo PJs, you going to sleep in these, how much stuff do you need
to take to bed with you?

I'm not even going to start with cargo shirts, you know those shirts with the
tiny pockets in the sleeves, that an only be designed for keeping drugs in and
not much else, and Cargo Tracksuit pants, we I think we all know my view on
tracky dacks, What's next the Cargo Sock, now that makes sense, and safe place to keep your money in those dodgy third world country, or perhaps just the local shopping trip in Frankston.

Tips for Car Fashion.



1. The car is an advancement from riding livestock., so why dress up your car as a cow.

2. If you drive a 4WD, no matter how girly it is, it's not right to put a tweety
bird spare wheel cover on the back.

3. Fluffy Dice, always cool, even if your name isn't Mario

4. Note to Parents: Those Caution, Baby on Board Stickers, What's the point? I mean really?

5. If you own a ute, to get a road worthy cerceficate it should be mandoratory
to purchase either s "I shoot I Vote sticker" or a "MMM rocks ............ perferably cool suburb, like Moe or Pakenham.

6. If you own a 4WD and it's not dirty, you're a wanker.

7. If you live in the city, and you own a 4WD your a wanker.

8. Really, just if you own a 4WD your a wanker.

9. Roofs on cars are totally unnecassarily.

10. Pop up lights are very, very cool

11. The only thing coller than pop up light on a car are either, Flags on the
bonnet, (You must be a diplomat or Prime mister for this, my suggestion make up a
country and pretend you the prime minister of it, to complete the picture get you friends with motorbike to drive along with you making siren noises.)

12. If you have personalised number plates, once again Wanker alert.

13. Any thing that is attached by a suction cup to a side window of a car went
out in the 80's please rememeber this.

14. If you are an international student, it is mandoratory for you to buy a $80,000 Eunos, then cover the dash board is 613 plastic figurines, and cover the leather upholestry with Hello Kitty car seat covers.

The Great Debate

This and that was also the home of the Great Debate - rumours to be the battle of titans - actually Leon and Brigid having a piss-weak fight about whether Spearhead or Blink 182 were the world best band. 

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This page was last updated on May 11, 2000